Repercussions
by the2julies
Summary: By Carly Carter & Kassandra Luem the2julies - Stevie/Dave- the way it should have been. Inspired by the SD communal story at 'Stevie's Hall'
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Dave looked around the room at his friends who had gathered to throw him a surprise engagement party. He and Tess had been completly shocked by the gesture. Tess was delighted and smiled up at him sweetly. Dave realised that all his wishes had come true. Tess had chosen him over Nick. He had started to think he had no chance. He had been preparing himself for the heartbreak. He had decided he would leave town. He would not stay around and watch Tess start a life with Nick Ryan. And somehow by some miracle, Tess had chosen him. And he expected that he would be over the moon. And he was happy. But something was not quite right. Something deep down was bothering him and he could not put his finger on what it was.

It had been a week of surprises. First Tess accepting his proposal. Now this engagement party. And then there had been the strange thing that happened between him and Stevie Hall last night. And the even stranger thing was he could not stop thinking about it, could not stop thinking about her. And it made no sense to him.

As if she had been reading his thoughts, Stevie approached him at that moment.

"We need to talk. Now." She had said.

Stevie grabbed Dave by the arm before he could protest, and she hastily looked over her shoulder making sure that no one was following them. He stumbled behind her, confused. He felt his heart racing faster and faster until he had to stop and catch his breath. She turned to look at him, concerned by the look of terror on his face.

"Stevie, I really don't think we should...." He began

"Shut up." She told him quickly, "Do you want Tess to hear you?" She asked before turning and walking away into the night.

Why shouldn't Tess hear us? He wanted to ask. Where are we going?

But not certain he was ready for the answer, he kept silent.

She had let go of his arm, and assumed he would follow her without question. Which he did. But somehow he felt cold and empty now that she was not touching him. It alarmed him that he was thinking this way about another woman, he had just become engaged to the woman of his dreams. What was going on? But he could not help the thoughts and feelings that swept over him. He tried to tell himself that it was his mind playing tricks on him. That he was just frightened about marriage, a life time commitment, and these thoughts about Stevie were nothing to be worried about. He tried to push them aside. But how could he do that considering the things that happened earlier that week? How could he do that when she would seek him out at his very own engagement party and lead him out into the night?

He followed behind her, watching as her red hair glowed in the soft moonlight, the curls bouncing as she walked quickly away from the house. He could not help but look over his shoulder, feeling guilty even though he had not done anything wrong, and did not intend to. He would let her down gently. He would just explain that he thought she was a very nice girl, but that he was spoken for and he was sure things would work out for her someday too. And he wouldnt tell anyone about it. It would be their secret.

He almost crashed into her where she stood outside the near paddock. She looked up at him slightly annoyed and he steadied her with his hands. He looked down into her eyes, unable to speak, unable to find any words to describe how perfect this moment felt. How perfect she felt to his hands, how perfect it seemed to stand so close in the moonlight, how much he wanted to pull her closer. She looked back to him confused and finally pulled away.

"You mustn't tell Tess." Stevie said to him.

"No of course not." He stammered.

"I think he's dead." Stevie said.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was then Dave looked around and noticed for the first time that Stevie had led him to the Alpaca. Dave took one look at the animal and knew he was not dead, but not far from it. And suddenly it started to make sense to him why Stevie had led him out here.

"I didn't wanna ruin her party. I thought.... well maybe you could do something about it."

She knelt down next to the softly heaving animal.

"They mean the world to her."

Dave was slowly coming down from his mental ride, from his almost emotional act of unfaithfulness. Now, this was familiar ground. Here he knew what to do.

He quickly checked the alpaca's vital signs.

"Looks like poisoning..." he stated, thinking. What could the poor animal probably have eaten that could cause such a severe reaction? He knew Tess always made sure that there was nothing poisonous around wherever her alpacas went.

"Almost looks like this was done deliberately..." he wondered. Then he realised that he had actually said the words, and he looked up to Stevie.

Instantly Stevie knew who had been responsible for this crime.

"Ok let's call the police, they can investigate." Dave suggested.

"Forget the police, the police don't care. We will have to handle this on our own." Stevie said without thinking.

"We?" Dave wondered aloud then instantly regretted it.

"Ok fine, I will do it without you." Stevie shrugged.

"Do what exactly?" Dave asked

Stevie realised she had said far too much already. She only shrugged in answer to his question.

"Look Stevie, We need to take care of the alpaca, and make sure the other one is safe too. We can't blow the party like this."

Stevie reluctantly agreed.

"Go inside back to the party." She told Dave, taking charge. "You can't miss your own engagement party. Tell me what to do for the Alpacas." As much as she wanted to put her plan into action right now, Dave was right. She could not leave the animals suffer, or ruin her friends party. She would have to wait, and she was not very good at waiting.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Dave gave some instructions about caring for the sick animal but seemed reluctant to leave. "I can't leave you alone out here." He said

"Why on earth not?" Stevie had asked him confused. She had been taking care of herself for a long time now, and she wasn't afraid of the dark. She was not afraid of anything, that is what had got her in this trouble in the first place. She turned from him and sat beside the animal on the ground.

Dave stayed glued to the spot. "It's cold" He said finally and took off his jacket placing it around her shoulders. She didn't turn to look up at him. Something in his gesture made her feel uncomfortable although she could not have said what exactly it was. She mumbled her thanks and accepted his jacket, fearing that protesting would only cause him to linger. She was anxious for him to be gone. He would only be in the way really. He wasn't prepared to do what needed to be done. He didn't understand anything. It wasn't about the Alpaca's, although hurting innocent defenceless animals made her mad enough to kill. But there was far more to it than that, far more than she could explain to Dave or to anyone.

She was relieved when she heard his footsteps retreating. He would keep Tess from being suspicious and worrying, and he would be out of her way. He would only stop her if he knew what she was planning. But somehow she looked over her shoulder forlornely and hoped to find him standing there. Suddenly it was colder, darker, lonlier than it had seemed only moments ago. She pulled his jacket close around her inhaling his scent, stroked the alpaca whispering soothing words of comfort, and waited for morning to come as she plotted the details of her plan.

She was so sure it was he who had done this. Every part of her screamed out that it was him. She did not stop to think, to consider another option. He told her, he promised he would go away, out of her life. She laughed bitterly to herself, why had she taken his word that he would just disappear? When had he ever been truthful with her? She had been prepared to forget everything and walk away, if only he had done the same. But he had not. He had come here, hurting innocent animals. Just to send her a message, one she got loud and clear. He was not going anywhere. And he still controlled her.

She would not walk that road again, she simply would not. Something had to be done. He started it, he always did. He started it all those years ago, and he started it by showing up at Drovers Run after all those years. But this time he had pushed her too far. She would fight him. She would kill him rather than live her life controlled by him. She had been so foolish to think he would disappear like he said. He knew she would fall for it. He seemed to know everything she thought before she herself had even though it, and she hated the both of them for that.

She hated what she had done when she'd been with him. She'd always hated that he knew her so well to know exactly how she would react when she herself would not have ever predicted it. She was better off far away from him. Revenge had crossed her mind but truthfully and for the first time in her life she felt she had met her match. She knew in any kind of confrontation with him she would come off the worse for it. The way he got inside her head so completly frightened her, and she had thought it best to forget, to walk away, put it all behind her and not ever get close to him again.

She hated him. She tried to tell herself she hated him. But how could she without hating herself for the things she had done? How could she hate someone that was so far imbedded inside her own mind, who knew her so well, who was so much alike her. No living person had ever known her so well or touched her so deeply. And in spite of everything that was so hard to turn her back on. She was no better than he. And with that revelation came the freedom to act. She would not rest until he had paid, even if it destroyed herself in the process. That no longer mattered. She would not live her life in fear of him. And she so relished that moment of delusion and freedom.

But then she remembered: He knew her weakness. He knew better than to threaten her. He knew that threatening the people she loved was a far better way. Hurting an animal was the least he was capable of, and she knew it. She believed it. Believed that he would not even flinch to poison a person. Someone close to her. She just didn't know what to do about it yet. How to stop him. But she would find a way, and soon. She told herself he must know that, if he tuly knew her so well. Must know how angry she was, how desperatly she would try, that she herself would stop at nothing when something mattered dearly to her. That she would kill him before she let him hurt someone she loved. Because she did care. About other things and other people. He had been wrong when he told her she cared for no one but herself and nothing but her own interests. She told herself he was so very wrong, but could not get those words out of her head.

Sitting here doing nothing was driving her insane. She tried to make the most of it, to use the time to plan something. She had almost given too much away to Dave earlier. She would be more careful. If he knew the truth, if any of them found out....it wasn't just jail that frightened her. It was that look of disappointment and rejection on each and every one of their faces. She could not let them find out the things she had done. Not ever.

She knew that setting a trap to catch him would be fruitless. He might get a fine, a few years in jail at best if she turned him in to the police. What good was that to her? Or to the people she loved? Anyway, it was more likely he would turn her in and she would be the one locked away for years. She deserved it, she finally admitted to herself. She had committed a crime, and no matter what her motives, it was the wrong thing to do. She could and would accept the punishment. But then he would be free to go on hurting people and destroying lives. How could she live with herself if that happened? She had to stay out of jail, long enough to stop him. It wasn't only for her, but those she loved.

Over the years she had been seperated from Rose she wondered many times why she had put herself through that agony. She had not seen her baby since her first birthday, the day she handed the child to Michelle. She had not written, or made any contact. Even then, even way back 12 years ago she felt so strongly that she needed to protect Rose. That he must never find out that he had a daughter. She should have done something then she realised. If she had known enough to keep Rose away she should have known enough to keep herself away.

Still she wondered why it had to be now. Why when her life was finally coming together did he have to show up and remind her of all the past mistakes. Why now did he have to be here? Why when she now knew there was more to life, that she could make a go of things, When she had started to dream about claiming Rose and started to forget him. It seemed so strange and so unfair that he had turned up when he did. She had been kidding herself that her life would ever be ok.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Moira smiled to herself as she surveyed the scene of the engagement party. She had not been invited but no one seemed to notice, or perhaps they hadn't the manners to say anything. She had not been expecting an invite. After all the whole town probably knew how she felt about Dave. She didn't care. True love would conquer all. She had a vision. Of her life with Dave. So perfect. It would happen, of that she had no doubt. But she would not give up and trust fate completly. She would give a helping hand. She smiled as she recalled earlier in the evening poisoning Tess McLeods beloved pets, and planting the bottle of poison in Dave's Jacket. She felt bad about framing him, after all she loved him, but it was for a greater good. She would come between them. She was not foolish enough to believe it would happen all at once because of one incident. He would talk himself out of it and Tess would believe him, how could any woman say no? But bit by bit she would undermine the trust Tess had in him. She wished Tess no ill, she hoped Tess would find her future with Nick. She had tried so hard to steer Tess along. She cursed herself as she remembered Tess coming to her, asking her advice, about her futuer, about marriage. Moira had thought Tess was comtemplating marriage with Nick, and of course was all for it. Told the woman she saw a vision of them happily married, soul mates, with a beautiful family. That would leve Dave free. And rejected, and looking for comfort in the arms of an older woman. It would all work so well. She cursed herself when she realised days later that Tess had meant Dave. Just when she thought Tess was out of the picture for good. Moira knew Tess was the only thing standing between her and her man, and she would not stand for it. Tonight was the first of many things she had planned for Tess McLeod.

~~

Dave hesitated before opening his car door that crisp cool morning. He did not feel right leaving Drovers like this. He had only been trying to do what was right. But somehow the night had ended in an argument with Tess and he realised that there was no sense sticking around now to try and talk sense into her.

Sadly the Alpaca had died during the night. Dave had tried to break the news gently, but Tess was devastated. Even more so when she discovered that Dave'd known it had been sick, that he had not told her, and that the poor animal had died all alone outside in the cold. Dave did not bother to reassure her that Stevie had sat with the animal and that it was not alone in its hour of suffering. He decided a moment too late that it would have been better to keep silent all together.

He hated leaving after an argument. But he saw no point in sticking around. As he was about to climb inside his car he heard Stevie calling his name. He watched as she ran towards him, happy to see someone who was not angry at him. It was not his fault the animal had been sick after all. Why couldn't Tess see that?

Dave looked at her, enjoying that moment of suspense before she spoke, wondering what she would say, having no idea, and waiting eagerly to hear whatever came from her lips.

"You forgot your jacket." She said handing it to him.

He stood still for a moment, disappointed secretly that she had come running after him just for that.

"Oh, yes, thanks." He mumbled, looking away as he quickly took the jacket. He had to get away from her before he made a fool of himself and did something he might regret.

In his haste something fell from the pocket of the jacket and he and Stevie stood looking down at the item, a bottle of poison.

"Dave?" she said, her brown eyes large with surprise as she looked at him questioningly. "What is this?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"I have no idea." he answered, but his voice was hoarse and he knew immediately that she didn't believe him. Well, he guessed he wouldn't have believed himself either. Especially because deep down he somehow already knew what this was, no matter if he wanted to admit it to himself or not. Must've been all this crazy talk about some strange people from the past creeping around poisoning animals that had him jump to conclusions like that.

Still it hurt to watch her eyes narrow, to see suspicion creep into her gaze which had been so open and gentle just moments ago. And the feeling of loss that came over him as he felt her distance herself from him was something Dave really didn't want to think about. Because if he spent too much time doing that he knew it could shake the very foundations of his life. And that was something he wasn't all that keen on.

Especially considering that his life was supposed to be damn near-perfect right now. As close to perfect as it could get, actually. He was doing a job he loved, he had great friends and he was just about to leave the home of the woman he loved who had recently agreed to marry him. Alright, so they had had a quarrel. Well, that happened to the best of them... Nothing a few nice words couldn't fix.

And yet he stood there, looking down at the redhead in front of him and felt as if the ground was pulled away from right under his feet as she took a few steps back and fixed him with a look that clearly said "I'm not trusting you anymore." And suddenly he got angry. Did she really think he had it in himself to kill an animal? He, the vet, for crying out loud? Did she think that was the kind of person he was?

Hurt coursed through his veins for a moment before it was quickly drowned out by another feeling. Anger. Pure, unadulterated anger. Who did she think she was in the first place? It was her past, her old stories that always kept coming up again, complicating everybody's lifes. And if she really thought he was capable of something like this, then why had she let him into her life in the first place. Let him think she valued him as a friend when in reality it was so easy to shatter her trust in him. And so he lashed out without even trying to stop himself, not once considering that maybe her reaction wasn't exactly due to what he suspected.

"Don't you dare to look at me like that, Stevie. I didn't poison the Alpacas. I'm a vet, for Christ's sake. But you know what, I wouldn't be surprised if it had been one of your mysterious friends from the past. Or hell, I wouldn't even be surprised if it had been you, yourself. All this talk about some dangerous stranger creeping around and trying to get to you. Wanna know what I think? I think you made it up, I think you just can't stand the thought that other people are happy. And now you're trying to frame me to spoil that happiness for us."

The moment the words were out he realised he'd gone too far. He saw disbelief flashing across her eyes, then understanding, then hurt. Then she dropped her gaze and he couldn't see her eyes anymore. Without a word she turned around and walked away, leaving him only with the image of red hair gleaming in the morning sun and the soft, yet cold sound of almost inaudible words.

"I should've know it. I should've known he'd manage to make you turn from me as well. I should've known that you're no different."

And as he stood there, frozen in place, watching her leave, he distantly wondered why this felt so much worse than the argument he'd had with Tess earlier. He didn't know whether it was because of the guilt he felt over his stupid words or because of the way she had looked so utterly alone walking away from him, her sad, final words hanging in the crisp morning air. He only knew that nothing Tess had said or done had ever made his heart ache nearly half as much as it ached now, as he stood there, watching the sun rise over Drover's hills, all the while contemplating just how things could've gotten so out of hand.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Stevie found herself drowning out the voice of Tess, straining her ears to listen for the engine of Dave's car. Had he gone? Why did it matter to her one way or the other? She tried to pay attention as Tess ranted about Dave, and the fact he had known the alpaca's were sick and not told her.

"You're not listening to me Stevie!" Tess demanded.

"Yeah I'm listening." Stevie answered. "You're engaged to a great guy, who cares about you so much that he wanted to do everything he could to save you from pain. That's nothing to complain about." Stevie found herself leaping to Dave's defence. She felt herself torn in two, only minutes ago she had been suspecting him of harming the alpaca, and worse, of being somehow involved in something more sinister. Of being caught up somehow with him. That Dave was somehow part of his whole master plan of destruction. The thought made her feel guilty now, and she ached with jealousy when she recalled the love in Dave's eyes for Tess. She longed for a man who had cared about her so much to want to spare her pain. She could have no doubt as she recalled his loving eyes, that this was not a man who could hurt an animal. She wished she had enough sense to realise it when the man was standing in front of her. It was far too late now. He was gentle, and good, and everything Stevie had never known in any of the men she had been with. Everything she longed for. And yet despite his goodness, he had managed to hurt her deeply. She wondered how she had let that happen, how had his opinion come to mean so much?

"It's about trust. How can i trust him when he is keeping secrets from me?" Tess contiued complaining.

"Well that's for you to work out Tess." Stevie said, growing bored with the conversation. What did Tess want her to say? "If you dont think you can trust him maybe it's not going to work." Maybe you don't deserve him, Stevie added silently to herself. Although only minutes ago Stevie had been the one doubting him and his motives. Who was she to criticise Tess for doing the same.

Stevie reached her hand into her pocket, fingering the poison bottle that she had salvaged. Her mind was racing. What did this mean, finding the bottle in Dave's jacket? On the one hand she looked into his eyes and trusted him, believed him, and was aching with the thought that he would think her capable of such a crime. But on the other hand, that bottle had come from somewhere. Perhaps Dave was caught up in something that he didn't even realise. She told herself she had to get her mind off Dave. He didn't matter. It was a distraction. She could not explain why his doubts in her had hurt so much, and so she pushed it from her mind. She had bigger things to worry about. Fortunatly this time it was only animals that had been hurt, it was only a matter of time before he did something more drastic. She had to stop him before it was too late.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Dave was distracted on the drive home. He played the scene over and over in his mind and it never got any better. He had seen the hurt in her eyes at his accusation. For all her efforts to act as if she cared for no one's approval, she had not been able to hide the way his judgements completely crushed her. It caught her by surprise, his cruel tone, he could see that. It surprised even him, and he could not make any peace with his motives. His feelings were so confused, why had he attacked her so? Was it to distract himself from the feelings he was trying desperatly to deny?

He was engaged. He loved Tess. Maybe it was just a fear of commitment that caused him to have another woman constantly on his mind. Or maybe it was something more? He would not allow himself to think any further. Shut his mind off totally to entertaining any possibility of ... Stevie. Her name sounded so sweet. It made his heart ache just to think her name. But it was not possible. It would not work. She was best friends with his fiancée. And she would never return his feelings anyway. He would be throwing away the promise of a happy life time with Tess. And this afternoon had shown that he and Stevie would be no good for each other. They would only hurt one another. And she somehow seemed to be able to hurt him so deeply. Why should he get closer to her? It would only allow her to hurt him more.

He shook his head. All these thoughts were crazy. It was not like having a life with Stevie was an option. It wasn't something that would be possible, it wasn't something that he should even be thinking about. And yet it was so hard to get her off his mind. He decided in the end that it was guilt that plagued him, not any desire for Stevie. He felt bad for accusing her, for hurting her so obviously. That's why he couldn't stop thinking about her. He was worried for her too. Something was troubling her. All this talk about strange people out to get her. She had been acting odd too. She was afraid of something, he could see that. And he longed to know what it was. Even if it was only something in her mind and not a real threat. But how would she ever confide in him now?

He pulled over to the side of the road and took out his phone, dialling the number at Drovers. He had to make some sort of peace.

Stevie answered, as he somehow knew she would. "Drovers Run."

She sounded distracted, unhappy, tired. This pierced him and it was as if he felt every little bit the same way she did, as if they were one. Without even seeing her eyes he just knew she was feeling like he was, upset at the argument they had, sorry for the hasty words, and longing to make it right. It made him relax that somehow it had affected her in the same way it had him, that he wasnt imagining things or making something out of nothing.

Suddenly he seemed to have no words. He hoped she would just understand that he was sorry. "I..uh...just wanted to ring. To apologise."

"Tess isn't here, I'll tell her you called."

Dave took a deep breath. No, he wanted to say, I called to apologise to you.

He realised in that moment that he was more concerned about his argument with Stevie than with Tess. And that there was something unnatural about that. It should be Tess he was calling for, thinking about. It would be Tess. He just needed to distance himself from Stevie. And he would.

"Right i'll call back later then." He stumbled. He felt pressured to add, as if she could read his mind and he had been caught doing something wrong "Tell her that I love her." And hastily hung up.

That was it, he loved Tess. He was just having a hard time with the idea of marriage, and life long commitment. It was Tess. Tess Tess Tess. He would not let Stevie cross his mind again. Perhaps he would talk to Tess and ask her to find out what was bothering Stevie. That's what best friends were for after all, it was not his business.

It was then that he noticed the girl, hitchhiking on the road side. He recognised her instantly even before he had seen her face. It's not like she was the spitting image of her mother, she was not. But somehow in the smallest ways, she was so very much like Stevie that he knew instantly this was her daughter Rose.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Stevie! Stevie! Hey, where are you going? Aren't you listening to me? Stevie!!"

Tess looked at her friend's back as Stevie walked from the main house to the stables, not once turning around. Frustrated and somewhat worried about her strange behaviour Tess briefly contemplated following her, but in the end she decided against it. There were moments when you just had to let Stevie be.

Still, what was it with people these days? Stevie obviously wasn't listening to her, Dave had seemed distracted pretty much all of yesterday evening and this morning, when she'd argued with him, something had been off as well. She couldn't put her finger on it, but somehow he had been different. More distant.

But most probably that was just her imagination talking. It was only natural that an event as big as an upcoming wedding could prove somewhat unsettling to one's emotions. So it really was no wonder if she was a bit hyper-sensitive about everything going on around her. That was just the wedding... Nothing to worry about.

***

Stevie heard Tess yelling in the distance, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to turn around. So yes, Tess was upset about Dave not telling her about the Alpacas. And yes, she probably wanted Stevie to stay and say stuff like "Yes Tess, of course, Tess. You're so right, Tess. He should've told you. Honesty is everything. Yeah, of course this makes you doubt if you can trust him."

But she found she couldn't. She understood exactly why Dave had kept silent and in her opinion it had been the right thing to do. Actually, it had even been her idea in the first place... Still. Tess shouldn't be doubting Dave's loyalty and trustworthiness over such a petty thing, she felt. Yeah, the Alpaca had died. But it was not as if telling her would've changed that, so there really wasn't any point. If she didn't know better, she'd assume Tess was just looking for an excuse to bring up all these complaints. Immediately she felt guilty for that thought.

Tess was a good person and she and Dave really deserved to be happy together. Because they were happy together. She had no right to judge Tess like this. No right at all.

Who was she to accuse Tess of having second thoughts? Of not deserving Dave... She couldn't believe she had really thought that. Because she absolutely wasn't the right one to talk. She was the one who never got her act together. She was the one who always picked the wrong guys. She was the one who was currently trying to cut herself loose from an ex-lover that still seemed to have a firm hold on her even though the physical connection had long ago been severed. It was her, always her, that made the wrong choices. That judged people wrong. That had some sort of secret agenda. Not Tess. Never Tess.

Maybe Dave had been right. Maybe it was jealousy speaking. Maybe she just couldn't deal with the fact that somehow everybody seemed to make it, to get happy. Everyone except for her. Dave had been right to accuse her. She was jealous. Even though she knew they deserved their happiness in a way she never could. They were innocent and far less burnt and stained by the life they'd led. Maybe the reason they got happy was because they deserved it and she didn't. Maybe she even deserved to lead the rest of her life controlled by him.

With everything she had done, everything she had helped them do, how was she any better than him? And there were days when she felt as if she still didn't and probably never would belong with the people she cared about so very much. Because there were things about her they didn't know and that she never wanted them to find out. If she just gave up, just gave herself to him, then at least that constant fear of not fitting in would be gone.

But no, that wouldn't be right. Because then she'd have to help him hurt her friends. And there was nothing in this world that could ever make that feel right. That she was even thinking like this only proved just how dangerous he could be to her. Not only physically, mentally and emotionally just as well. She finally had to free herself from him, if not for herself, then for all the people who depended on her to keep him out of their lives.

Dave and Tess, for example. The last thing they needed was a madman spoiling their wedding.

There he was again. Dave. She wished she could just get him and this hurt look on his face out of her mind for at least a few minutes. There were things she needed to plan, important things, and she really didn't need the distraction. Still, when he had called, she'd been so glad to hear his voice, to know that he was at least talking to her. Which was silly considering what he seemed to think of her. How little he seemed to like her, even. And even more silly was the pang of pain that thought caused in her stomach.

Still, she had been so sure that he had wanted to say something else during their conversation, before he mentioned Tess. But that had to be wishful thinking, she decided. And now was not the right time for such thoughts anyway. She really, really had to think of something that would give her a chance to get rid of him. For good. And she knew she only had one try. If she stuffed this up, she could be dead, of that she was certain. He wouldn't tolerate any attacks to his control. But she had to do this, had to try it at least.

Before someone else got hurt.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Sighing deeply she entered Banjo's box and lay her head against his neck. It calmed her somewhat, made her able to think more clearly. Suddenly, getting rid of him didn't seem all that impossible anymore. No matter how well he might know her, there still had to be a way to outsmart him. Maybe she could even use his insight into her to lure him into a trap. Here, in the semi-dark of the stables, surrounded by the organic warmth and calm breathing of the horses, she could almost convince herself that she stood a chance against him. Almost.

That was, until she heard a car pulling up outside in the driveway and Tess' voice coming nearer and nearer

"Stevie!! Stevie! Rose is here!"

And at that moment Stevie knew that everything she thought had been at stake so far was nothing against what was at stake now. Because now Rose was here, the very moment her mother decided to risk everything to finally break free from her father after all those years.

And so it was with the darkest sense of foreboding that Stevie finally made her way out of the stables to greet her daughter, her feet seeming to get heavier with every step that she took.

The walk from the stables to the house seemed to last forever, and Stevie found herself growing short of breath as she quickened her pace. Her mind was racing. Rose? Here? Now? She was overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. Joy at seeing her daughter after so long apart, fear for Rose's safety, and confusion about what Rose was doing here. It had been so many years since Stevie had seen her daughter in person, did Rose even remember her? How had Rose known to come here, and why? It didn't matter why, it was just not safe. It was the reason she had not contacted Rose or even Michelle for so many years, she did not want him to discover the people that were close to her. Rose would have to go back, that was all there was to it. It wasn't safe here, not now. Once things were sorted out there would be a time for Rose to come and be here.

Stevie had no idea where to begin talking to this girl, who was virtually a stranger to her. No idea how she would find it in her heart to send the girl away. It was a dream come true, her daughter seeking her out. And once again she would have to send her away, back to Michelle. It had broken her heart leaving Rose the first time, how could she let them be separated again?

She told herself to take a deep breath and get a grip. She did not even know why Rose had come. She would have to talk to Rose before making any decisions or taking any action. Was it possible Michelle had told Rose the truth, that Stevie was her mother? Is that why Rose had come? There was only one way to find out. Stevie felt completely unprepared as she approached the main house to meet her daughter.

~~~~

Dave sat talking with Rose on the veranda waiting for Tess to arrive with Stevie. He had been alarmed at how quickly he had been able to co-erce the young girl into his car. She was barely more than a child, 12 or 13 he guessed. Too young to be out hitchhiking in the middle of nowhere accepting a lift from a stranger. He was glad it was he who had driven past and not someone who would have harmed her. Where were her parents, the people she knew as her parents? How had they let her come all this way on her own?

He smiled as she chatted away, noticing that she smiled just like Stevie did. He couldnt wait to see the look on Stevie's face when she knew Rose had come to visit. Dave didn't know the whole story, only that Stevie had a child when she was very young, and the child lived with her sister believing that her aunt and uncle were her parents. He had never asked for any more details. Stevie spoke of Rose now and then, and seemed to be looking forward to some future point of reconciliation and happy ending with her daughter. But there were never any concrete plans for Rose to visit or Stevie to visit her. Even so he saw Stevie's eyes light up when she spoke of the girl, and he knew it would make her happy to see Rose.

As he spoke with Rose, he discovered that she had not seen her "aunty Stevie" for quite some time. She chatted away on the drive back to Drovers, telling that she had come looking for her Aunty, whom she had not seen since she was a baby. Rose wondered aloud if her Aunt would be surprised, would she recognise Rose and remember who she was? Dave wanted to assure the girl that Stevie would know who she was, but he felt it best to say as little as possible. It was too easy to put his foot in it. When he had pulled up alongside her he had almost called out her name. He stopped himself in time to realise that this girl he had never met might think it odd that he knew her name, that he recognised her based on a resemblance to her "Aunty" and from seeing her photograph in a locket that Stevie had once shown him. And so he had remained silent, listening to the happy chatter of the young girl. She did not reveal to him why she had come, or come so far alone and he felt it best to leave it to Stevie to deal with it.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Stevie stared back into the defiant eyes of her daughter Rose. She tried to burn the image of her face into her mind. It had been so long. She saw much of herself, he stubborn headstrong ways, inside the eyes of Rose.

Stevie felt as bad as the first day she had given Rose to Michelle all those years ago, having to stand there and tell Rose to leave. It was killing her but it had to be done. It was for Rose's safety.

Stevie had fallen in love with her all over again, seeing the confident and happy young girl arrive at Drovers. Pride swelled inside her for this beautiful girl, and she told herself it had been the right thing leaving the child with Michelle.

Rose had been so nervous, introducing herself, saying "You probably don't know who I am, I'm your niece." Stevie wanted to hug her and assure her that she had not forgotten her, not for a second. It cut her deeply to hear Rose say "Your niece." She wanted to hold her and tell her 'you're my daughter, I love you, I never stopped loving you and thinking about you, I want us to be together.' But she knew she could not.

She had tried to convince the girl to go back home. The information Stevie had gathered was that Rose had a fight with Michelle over a new boyfriend, and had run away. Rose was so thrilled to be here, she fell in love with Drovers straight away, and told Stevie that even though they had not had contact for over ten years, Rose still felt some sort of connection. It brought tears to Stevie's eyes to know that somewhere deep down Rose had always thought of her too.

Rose dug her heels in, begging to be allowed to stay just for the holidays. Stevie almost relented. But in her mind she kept thinking about the danger to Rose if he ever found out...

In the end it was hard to get Rose to consider leaving, Stevie had to resort to cruelly telling the girl she didn't want a stupid kid hanging round messing up her life. That's all it had taken. She saw the rage burning in her daughters eyes at being spoken to like that. She waited for yelling, screaming, something to be thrown across the room. But the angry look in her eyes turned quickly to despair, and Rose slowly turned to walk away mumbling "Sorry to have bothered you."

~~

Dave and Tess had been listening in to much of the conversation. Ordinarily Dave would have told Tess to mind her own business, but this time he too was curious. Neither of them could understand why Stevie had said those things or foced Rose to leave. They entered the room, Tess giving Stevie a look of confusion and frustration. Tess followed behind Rose "Wait Rose, I'm sure we could work something out, you've come a long way, at least stay the night."

"No, thats not a good idea." Stevie said, fighting back tears. "Rose needs to go home tonight, i'll call Michelle."

Tess was bewildered. Stevie handed Rose money for the bus ride home, and asked Tess to drop her off in town on the way to get the supplies.

"Fine whatever" Rose agreed "I dont wanna stay at this dump anyway. Everything my mum said about you was right."

Rose slammed the car door as she got in, and Tess followed quickly, not sure it was the right thing, but sensing the girl would hitch hike if she didn't take her and put her on the bus.

Once the car was out of site, Dave turned to Stevie and asked her 'What the hell was that all about?"

"You wouldn't understand." She said harshly and moved to turn away from him.

He could see the hard set of her jaw, the way she was narrowing her eyes and fisting her hands. To him it looked as if every muscle of her body was taunt and just about ready to snap.

He didn't get it. He really didn't. He'd been so sure she'd be delighted to see her daughter. In his mind, he replayed every conversation they'd ever had about Rose and in front of his inner eye Stevie always looked the same: Proud of the girl she'd brought into the world, deeply guilty about giving her up, hopeful that maybe someday they'd be together inspite of everthing and longing for that reunion. Always longing, longing for her little girl. Longing to get her back. And he just could't get that picture of Stevie to fit to what he'd just witnessed.

He couldn't explain to himself why it suddenly felt so important to understand her and her motives. He just knew that he had to know, had to know what had made her react like this. What it was, that had made her send her daughter away, telling her she'd never wanted her here. Which he knew to be a lie.

She didn't talk about Rose often, but every time she did he could see in her eyes just how much she wished for her girl to be there.

He grabbed her arm and turned her around, forcing her to face him. Immediately she twisted out of his grasp and then, she just stood there, looking up at him defiantly, as if daring him to question her behaviour. He hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to say and knowing that one wrong word was gonna make the whole conversation blow up in his face. In the end he settled for simple, because everything was complicated enough as it was.

"Try me."

She just snorted and turned around once more, heading for the stables. He looked at her retreating back and almost missed her parting words.

"What's the point, Dave? You'd probably only think I made it all up because I couldn't stand for you and Tess to be happy."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

He stood there, dumbstruck for a moment and watched her small body disappear into the the stables. And then her tone registered in his mind. She'd sounded tired. Not only tired, more like completely depleted of energy. He hadn't noticed before, because her tone of voice contrasted so sharply with the tense muscles in her body and the firm set of her face as she'd turned away.

But now her words kept hanging in the air and he knew that his gut feeling had been right all along: Something was mightily wrong. And it was not just the fact that Stevie thought he held no respect for her, even though that thought was already enough to twist his gut into a tight, painful knot. But that wasn't important right now and he shoved the feeling away, to somewhere deep inside.

Something was wrong and he had to get her to tell him what it was, to get her to trust him again. Because he knew she hadn't meant what she'd said to Rose.

He had seen it, had seen the way her eyes had started to narrow and her hands had clenched into fists. He'd seen how she'd started to dig her fingernails deeper and deeper into her skin the more cruel her words got. And he'd tried to write it off as anger. But now he knew that his first thought had been right: Behind all that anger she was trying to project to everyone, her brown eyes held a much different feeling. There'd been pain in them. Pain that had gotten more profound with every word she spoke until her eyes looked almost black.

And he realized now that she hadn't wanted to see that, because seeing her in pain would've meant wanting to help her and wanting to help her would've meant having to apologize and that - finally - would've meant confronting his own feelings the night of their argument and his reasons for saying what he'd said. And somewhere down there he knew that he'd have to do that and do it soon, because his life actually seemed to be spiralling out of control faster and faster the more he tried to keep it the way it was. For all the effort he'd put into it, he just couldn't be the way that Tess was expecting him to be. Because something had shifted inside of himself on the night of their engagement party and even though he'd tried everything to prevent that, Tess had noticed somehow and he knew it wouldn't be long until she'd try to talk to him about it.

And then there wsa Stevie. Stevie, who wouldn't talk to him anymore. Stevie, who'd looked so lost and alone that night out on the paddock. Stevie, who'd just sent her own daughter away, even though he knew there was nothing in the world she wanted more than to be with her. Stevie, who'd just walked into the stables, leaving him behind with nothing but the sound of her weary, hopeless voice resonating in his ears.

It was that thought that finally shook him out of his stupor and made him follow her. At the door to the stables he paused, steeling himself for what he knew was gonna be a difficult conversation at best, before he entered the warm darkness in front of him. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but once they did it was actually pretty easy to make out the shapes of the boxes, the animals and the gear in the daylight that was falling in from behind him. He watched his own shadow moving forward on the ground, getting thinner as he turned left, then right, looking for her in the semi-darkness.

The horses were moving, uneasy, because they had detected a stranger. Their hooves were rustling in the straw and they were whinnying softly. It was because of those background noises that it took him a moment to hear the muffled sobs that told him where she was.

Dave Brewer had always hated to see or hear a woman cry, but to hear Stevie crying like that nearly broke his heart. It was the way she tried to keep it in, how she tried to stay silent and suck it all up deep into herself. It saddened him so much, not only the fact that she was crying at all, but more the way she wouldn't even allow herself to cry freely, the way she was trying to appear strong and unaffected even now that she was alone.

He followed the sound of her irregular, hitching breaths and her desperate, cut-short sobs to Banjo's box and he immediateley spotted her. She was huddled into a corner, pressing her back against the wall and cradling something in her right hand. An object that was gleaming in the stray rayes of sunlight coming in from outside. A locket, he thought. It looked like a locket.

She didn't lift her gaze when she heard him entering, but he noticed how the fingers of her left hand, she had pressed upon her mouth, started to clench until they were forming marks on her cheeks. She gripped the locket even tighter and she drew her knees up, closer to her chest. It send a jolt of pain through his insides that she seemed to feel like she had to protect herself from him.

Softly he lowered himself onto the ground beside her and started to gently pry her fingers away from her cheek until he was holding her hand in his. His other hand moved to cover hers on the locket and he gave it a slight squeeze before he started.

"I know you didn't mean what you told Rose, Stevie. And I know you probably hate me because of what I said to you the other night. But I promise, I really didn't mean that. I'm so very sorry, I should never have said all that stuff and I honestly have no idea where it all came from. I need you to believe me that I really don't think of you like that, Stevie. But on top of everything, I need you to tell me what's going on. Because I know you'd never send Rose away without having a damn good reason. Please, Stevie, trust me. Let me in. I really want to help."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Dave led Stevie by the hand up the creaky old steps of the veranda into the homestead. Her breathing had become slower and more even, her tears had dried. She seemed calmer and he felt he was getting somewhere. He led her into the kitchen and she sat at the table. He sat opposite her and waited for her to begin.

The silence stretched on and started to weigh heavily on him. Still she wouldn't speak and just kept staring into her lap, her grip on the locket as firm as ever. He watched as she opened her mouth, but nothing came out of it.

She looked to him, so confused, so uncertain. He sensed that he would have to take the lead, but did not know quite how. What was she expecting from him? What did she need him to say to assure her that she could trust him. That whatever the problem was he could help?

He sensed that she wanted to open up to him. But something held her back. As if she didn't know where to begin or how to find the words. He didn't want to rush her. He would just move slowly and be gentle with her. He felt uncomfortable sitting staring at her, and wondered if she would find it easier to talk if he occupied himself with something else. For lack of anything constructive to say or do, he put the kettle on.

She watched him as he stood at the sink, waiting for the water to fill the kettle to the top. He didn't turn to look at her and she tried to use that brief respite from his questioning, concerned gaze to form some words in her mind, words that would make him see just why she had acted like that, just how everything had gotten so messed up. But she found she couldn't, there simply were no words to explain all of that to him. There was no way she could ever make him understand. It made her feel mute and trapped, like a caged animal that could see the world just behind the bars but knew that it would never get out because the key was in someone elses hands and they'd never give it back to her.

She wondered if she had completely lost her mind, if finally he had driven her to the point of insanity. She longed to talk to someone, to anyone. For someone to point things out, make things clear, to make everything seem ok. For someone to tell her she was over reacting, that things would be sorted out. For someone to tell her she was not such a terrible person, for someone to tell her it was ok to do whatever she had to in order to stop him.

And now here was Dave, offering understanding, concern and loyalty. Not putting any pressure on her, just waiting for her to talk while he tried everything in his power to make her feel as comfortable as possible. But how could she confide in him without both endangering him and turning him against her? Because she was sure that telling him would make him turn from her. No matter how she put it in her mind, she always ended up sounding either like a cold-hearted criminal who had no excuse for her actions or like someone who was desperately making up excuses, trying to talk herself out of whatever responsibility she might've held. Either way, it would make him think differently about her. It would shock him. And it would make him realise just how fucked up she really was. And then he'd turn from her and never look back, in spite of all the promises he'd made. He wouldn't understand that it wasn't her fault. How could anyone understand that? They would not. And perhaps it had all been her fault. Perhaps she had made bad choices, perhaps she had been foolish, but it really seemed she had suffered enough.

Gathering up even the tiniest bit of courage from somewhere deep inside, she opened her mouth and took a deep breath just as Dave turned around to look at her, placing a full cup on the shining wooden surface in front of her.

It was then that the kitchen door was suddenly flung open and the small, compact form of the town's very own fortune teller appeared on the threshold.

"Hey guys." She shot a quick glance at Stevie, before her eyes fixed on Dave. "Dave, I'm really glad I found you. You have to come with me, I just hit a cow when I was rounding that corner. You know, suddenly it stood right there in front of me and I couldn't swerve any more. And now the poor animal is suffering and I don't know what to do. I don't even have a gun if it turned out we'd just have to put it out of its misery. Please, Dave, you have to come with me."

Moira looked almost frantic, gesturing with her hands and imploring Dave with her eyes. Stevie looked at them and quickly swallowed the words that had been on her tongue only moments before. It was just not meant to be. She just wasn't meant to have confidants or people who'd stick up for her and try to help her through all that crap that life tended to throw at her. Most probably it was better this way. Dave was better off not knowing anything actually. He'd be safer and she'd be spared the pain of realising that her confession had made him turn from her. Things were just how they were supposed to be. She was alone in this. All alone.

She lowered her gaze again, looking away from Dave and at the locket in her lap instead.

Dave noticed the way her expression fell as she watched Moira enter, the way she closed her mouth again, nothing ever coming out of it. He noticed how that hopeless expression returned to her eyes just before she adverted them. And at that moment he could've strangled Moira. He knew that Stevie had been just about to open up to him and then a cow, a stupid cow for crying out loud, had come in the way of this all important conversation. But still, he was a vet and he couldn't just ignore the fact that an animal was suffering somewhere nearby, even though all he wanted to do right now was to blend everything and everyone out and sit down next to Stevie, to comfort her and reassure her as she told her story. But now that was no longer possible, because Moira had come charging in, breaking the mood and destroying his chance of finding out what was actually going on. Still he couldn't just leave Stevie like that. He hated the way she looked so desolate and alone, staring at the locket clenched in her hands.

"Alright… So tell me Moira, where exactly did you hit the cow, so I can get there quickly."

She gave him the directions and with one last glance at Stevie he moved to walk out of the door, but not before saying

"I won't be long. Why don't you two just wait for me in here, have a cup of tea and when I get back, I can tell you whether it really was as bad as you thought."

He looked at Moira for those parting words, but his thoughts were with Stevie. He really didn't want to leave her alone and this way, at least Moira would be there to keep her company, to distract her so she didn't fall too deep into her dark brooding until he was back.

Moira watched Dave leave and for a moment she just sat there, looking at his retreating backside. "He's so hot", she thought to herself and for a split second she forgot that her actual plan had failed. She had wanted him to come out, to spend some time alone with her. It had only been because of that that she'd gone through all the trouble of dragging the animal out onto the street to hit it with her car. And now she was stuck in here, with Stevie opposite her who hadn't said a word ever since she'd entered and who just kept looking at something in her lap. That really wasn't what she'd gotten that dent in her car for, she decided. And so she got up and made her way out of the house, intent on following Dave. If she set up something like that, she'd be a fool not to take her chance and go after him.


	13. Chapter 13

13

Stevie scarcely heard the car door slam, nor the heavy footsteps on the veranda approaching the house. She did not feel the icy gaze from Tess as she stood in the doorway. She did not move. Did not look up. Did not acknowledge the other woman's presence in the room. Stevie remained where she was seated, at the kitchen table. The now cold cup of tea in front of her untouched, but her eyes guarded it closely.

At least she has composed herself from the sobbing mess that Dave had found her in. She now sat still and despondent, drumming her finger tips on the wooden table top, keeping her gaze firmly fixed on the cup of cold tea. She tried to empty her mind of everything. It was the only way to find some sort of peace.

Stevie barely noticed as Dave had left the room moments ago, promising he would be right back. She failed to notice the way Tess stood impatiently in the door way, tapping her foot in time to the rhythm of Stevie's fingers. Stevie sat calmly, her fingers keeping an even rhythm. She felt dead. As if her heart had ceased to beat. Somehow the tapping of her fingers on the table top was the life force that kept her from death. So with deliberate concentration she continued without faltering the steady movement, completely blocking out everything else that threatened to disturb the precious moment of peace she had created.

Finally Tess could stand it no longer.

"How could you be so heartless? Do you have any idea what damage you've done to your daughter?

Stevie blinked in response to the question. And then did her best to block out Tess and her incessant nagging. She returned her gaze to the tea cup, without any interruption to the constant even beat of her finger tips on the table top.

This did not deter Tess from her tirade. She only raised her voice further "How can you be so selfish, so inconsiderate? Do you ever think of anyone but yourself Stevie?"

In frustration and a desperate attempt to gain Stevie's attention, Tess suddenly and forcefully swung her arm across the table, knocking the tea cup to the floor. The porcelain shattered.

At this intrusion to her world, Stevie looked up startled. Her fingers were stilled and silenced. And she felt her heart beating inside her once more. She got to her feet to face Tess, reaching over as she stood to pick up a broken piece of the cup and clenching it in her fist.

It felt good, this anger at Tess. It drew her out from the darkness of her own little world. She had tried to shut the world out, to fade away. But how could she with Tess standing here poking and prodding her deepest wounds. Tess had awoken her fighting instinct.

Tess took a step back away from Stevie.

'She's afraid of me' Stevie thought to herself. 'What does she think I'm gonna do to her?' Stevie laughed at this thought, finding it somehow amusing.

Tess took another step back, disturbed by this odd behaviour.

Stevie felt reality slipping from her grasp, and she clutched tighter to the small fragment of broken china, as if doing so would help keep her grounded in the moment, prevent her from slipping away. She really had tried. She tried so hard to do what was important. To protect Rose, to protect everyone she loved. Even this self righteous cow who stood before her, quivering with fear at what Stevie might do to her. Shaking in her boots, and yet still attacking Stevie.

"Stevie, get a grip! You need to stop behaving like a child…."

Blah blah blah, Tess went on and on but Stevie wasn't listening. 'Go on Tess, keep pushing' She silently encouraged her.

Stevie took a step towards Tess, and Tess backed away instinctively towards the corner of the room. She hit the wall so suddenly, it caused a picture frame to become dislodged and crash to the floor at her feet. The noise startled Tess who jumped in fright, but Stevie remained calm.

"Stevie, please, lets calm down." Tess began.

Stevie was clutching the piece of broken cup in her hand so tightly that it drew blood.  
Tess watched in silent horror as the crimson liquid started to drip onto the floor.

Stevie looked into the eyes of her friend, realising that the woman in front of her did not recognise her. Tess was disappointed. And disgusted. Angry and afraid. She did not move from her spot in the corner although Stevie made no move to harm her.

"What are you afraid of Tess? What do you think I'm gonna do to you? What kind of person do you think I am?" Stevie asked.

Tess let her eyes rest on the broken china and the deep cut on Stevie's hand. Stevie followed her gaze and it was like she only now realised that the sharp white edges had broken her skin and were now digging into her flesh. Without any outward sign of caring, she flung the shard to the side and for a moment the sound of china hitting the floor seemed to resonate in the suddenly silent kitchen.

Now that Stevie had dropped the weapon Tess found courage to speak her mind

"I don't know who you are anymore Stevie. Who is this person who could be so cruel to her own daughter when she came to you for help? Are you that selfish? That immature? What kind of mother are you anyway? It's a good thing for Rose that you gave her away if you ask me."

"Whoa, Tess, stop it." There suddenly was a voice from the doorway. "How could you say something like that?"

Dave stepped into the kitchen, looking at his fiancé incredulously. Immediately both women's heads snapped around to look at him and for a second the whole scenery just seemed to freeze. Tess was looking at him defiantly, putting her hands firmly on her hips, a frown starting to form on her front. Stevie only looked at him shortly, before she adverted her eyes, her posture suddenly transforming from taunt muscles and hard eyes to slouched shoulders and a blank expression on her face. He noticed the broken china on the floor and the blood dripping from Stevie's hand. His first instinct was to move over to her and cradle her bleeding palm in his to have a look at it, but Tess' cold stare kept him in place. And he knew that after the next few minutes, there would be no going back for him either, just like there seemed to be no going back for those two women who stood in front of him, each of them calling out to him in a different way.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

In the end, it was Tess who spoke first and Dave realized that what had seemed like an eternity to him had in reality only been a few milliseconds.

"Excuse me, but I'm in the middle of a conversation with my best friend here and I can't remember either of us asking for your opinion."

The sharpness of her words and the frustration that was so evident in the deep line on her forehead told Dave that her words, or rather the irritation in her words, wasn't directed so at him than it was directed at the situation in general. From Stevie's first slightly aggressive and now just hunched stance it was obvious that Tess hadn't exactly been successful in prying information out of her. And he knew how much this irritated Tess who was concerned for her friend and only wanted to help, even though her last words had had rather the opposite effect. Understanding that, Dave gentled his tone as he replied, even though some primal part inside of him just wanted to stand in front of Stevie and yell at Tess for being so inconsiderate.

"Sorry, but I don't exactly think you should speak to your best friend like this. I know you want to know what's going on, Tess, but don't you think that this is taking it a bit too far?"

"Too far? Dave, she's the one who just sent her daughter away without a second thought, but not without completely crushing the girl's belief that she could ever find any help in here. Or in the woman who's supposed to love and look out for her. Don't you think that being the one who had to comfort the girl all the way to the bus station gives me the right to demand some answers?"

"Come on, Tess, the right to demand some answers? This is not about having the right to anything, it's about helping a friend. And that's surely not achieved by yelling at them!"

And so they went on, both becoming more and more agitated the longer the conversation went on, raising their voices until they were shouting at each other over the kitchen table.

Stevie had taken a few steps back when the arguing started and now she had the strange sensation of no longer being in the room at all, even though she was the subject of the conversation that went on over her head. Her rage at Tess, her precious rage, had evaporated the moment Dave appeared in the doorway. His words hadn't even registered; her mind had been too preoccupied processing the feeling of falling, as her anger at Tess, her lifeforce for the last few minutes, disappeared. In its place now sat the emptiness she had felt earlier, before Tess had walked in. But this time it was different, the emptiness now felt so complete that she almost couldn't remember ever having felt any different. Because now she knew that her best friend held nothing for her but contempt. Contempt and fear. With a sinking feeling she realized that she no longer had a place in this house she'd called a home for so long.

Maybe she had been fooling herself all along for thinking she ever had in the first place.

And that conviction pulled the last remaining ground from under her feet. It had been crumbling for a long time already, ever since she'd learned that he was out for her again. And the moment she'd seen hatred appear in her daughter's eyes she'd known that she had no ground left to stand on. But Tess' words had shattered even the last, tiny crumb she'd been holding unto, without even noticing she did. There was nothing left for her in here anymore. Quietly, she slipped out of the house and started walking. She didn't know where she was going, apart from away, and she didn't particularly care. She was way past caring. It simply didn't seem to matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

"This is ridiculous!" Dave was just shouting at Tess who had accused him of never sticking up for her the way he seemed so eager to as soon as it came to Stevie, when the sound of the front door falling closed registered in his mind. He turned around, only to notice that Stevie wasn't there anymore. More panicked than he wanted to admit to himself, he didn't think twice about following her, not when the lost look on her face from when he'd first entered the kitchen was still so firmly imprinted in his mind.

He left Tess standing in the kitchen, exasperated, yelling after him that she had to collect some supplies from town anyway and oh, thanks for the conversation and he walked out of the house, in search for her. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard Tess leaving after him, starting the engine and pulling out of the driveway. But his thoughts were with Stevie. He knew she couldn't have gotten far in that short amount of time; still his heart almost missed a beat when he couldn't locate her immediately. He told himself to get a grip over the blood pounding in his ears and looked more closely. His eyes caught a glimpse of her red-brown top just as she was about to disappear behind one of the sheds.

"Stevie!" he called after her, but kept walking as if she hadn't heard him at all.

"Stevie!" he yelled again and broke into a run.

Finally he caught up with her, but it was only when he grabbed her by the arm that she stopped.

"Stevie" he said again, this time more gently.

Still, she wouldn't face him. It hurt him to see her so unresponsive and once again he cursed Moira for interrupting their moment, just little more than half an hour ago. Things could be so different now, if it hadn't been for her. They wouldn't have to be here, this whole blasted conversation with Tess would never have taken place and he wouldn't be so desperate to get some kind of reaction out of the woman in front of him, any kind of reaction, really, just so he'd know she wasn't as far away at that moment as he feared she might be. It scared him, she scared him, the way she refused to look at him, the way she wouldn't react to his calls of her name. He had to reach her somehow. He simply had to.

r have happened."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Ever so gently he turned her around. Still she wouldn't meet his gaze. And for a moment he was at a loss for words. He wanted to comfort her, to make all the pain go away, but he knew he couldn't and immediately berated himself for such a foolish thought. But he couldn't help the pull of his heart as she stood there in front of him, looking so lost and frighteningly fragile. For lack of any other way to show her what he so desperately wanted to convey, he reached out for her and softly pulled her into his arms. And it surprised him, how only now that he held her safely and securely against his chest, his heart rate started to calm down again.

It surprised her, the feeling of his strong arms around her. It surprised her that he was still here. Hadn't he heard what Tess said? Didn't he think she was right? What was he doing, running after her? Why wasn't he in there, with his fiancé?

"Stevie" he said again and she didn't know what to make of that tone in his voice.

"I'm sorry."

Finally she looked up. Sorry? What did he have to be sorry for? If anything she should be the one apologizing to him for causing that argument between him and Tess.

"For leaving you with Moira. I wish I didn't have to do that. I wish we were still sitting in there and none of this would've happened." he clarified.

She let her gaze drop again. It hadn't been his fault. None of it. And least of all the fact that the woman Stevie had considered her best friend had basically told her she was afraid of her and that she would've made a terrible mother for Rose anyway. And who knew, maybe she was right. Maybe everyone was right. Her parents, Michelle, Tess… Everyone who'd told her she simply wasn't good enough for her daughter.

"Nothing to be sorry for." she finally answered, his tense muscles telling her that he was waiting for some kind of reply. "You should be back in there" she added "with your fiancé."

In response, his arms around her tightened and his voice had a slight catch to it as he said "I shouldn't be anywhere but here. With you. And I'm not going away."

She shuddered at his words, knowing only too well that this wasn't true. Knowing that sooner or later he'd have to let go and as soon as she told him all about her past he'd go running for the hills anyway. Maybe he would've stayed earlier. Maybe. But now that she was somehow caught up in between him and Tess and now that he'd heard what his future wife thought of her, now there simply was no way he would stay.

And she'd only just noticed how the strong beat of his heart drummed against her own chest hard enough to almost make her believe it was her own. But she knew, she couldn't rely on the beats of his heart to replace those of her own, because he'd have to let go of her soon and then she'd be standing there all alone again, with her heart nothing but a cold and silent place.

Vaguely she registered him telling her that Tess had gone to town and to come back to the house with him. Her mind still mostly blank she only noticed what he was doing when he was already cradling her palm in his hand, some of the blood already dried on the cut while fresh droplets still made their way out.

"Come on, I need to bandage this up. Besides it's cold. You're shivering."

And she only now noticed that it was true. The wind had picked up and the light, white clouds that had covered the sky had been chased away by a dark blanket of grey that seemed to swallow the sunlight.

She found herself reluctant to leave his arms and return to the house, but he was adamant and as he gently took her by the arm, she figured there really wasn't much in resisting anyway. The sooner she learned to let go of Dave Brewer and his strong heartbeat resonating against her chest, the better. He deserved the truth about her, even if it was only to make him see just how right Tess had been about her. And if she lost him behind a shed or at a kitchen table at Drover's didn't really make a difference. So she let him lead her gently to the front porch of the house, but hesitated before entering. She didn't want to enter the kitchen. She knew the sight that awaited her in there: Broken china, droplets of dried blood on the floor, broken promises and a broken friendship hanging in the air. She couldn't go in there.

When she stopped walking all of a sudden, Dave was puzzled, but realized after a moment that the kitchen probably wasn't the best place for this. Of course not. He could've smacked himself over the head then and there. 'Very considerate of you, trying to drag her in there, Brewer.' He silently congratulated himself. In the end, they simply sat down on the front porch. He noticed she was still shivering and just like that night out on the paddock, he took off his jacket and placed it around Stevie's shoulders.

Chapter 16

He didn't want to leave her alone, but her hand was still bleeding and he knew the cut needed to be cleaned and bandaged. So he hurried as he went inside, quickly grabbing the first aid kit and wetting a cloth before coming back outside. She hadn't moved an inch since he'd gone inside and she didn't move an inch as he sat down beside her again and wiped off the dried blood before wrapping her hand in white gauze.

She seemed so out of reach to him in that moment. He inched closer almost subconsciously. Even though he realised that it was not a physical distance that pushed her so far out of his grasp. He lifted her head gently in his hands, to force her to look at him. She looked right at him but somehow through him, as if he was no longer present. He searched her eyes, there was so much concealed behind those beautiful brown eyes. He felt driven to find out what it was that she guarded so closely. He needed to understand, to assure her that he understood. Somehow he would have to break down that wall. If he didn't, who would? The thought of her confiding in someone else filled his heart with jealousy. He wanted to me be the one she turned to. Wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything.

Dave felt his own heart racing, felt that surge of panic rising. He felt genuine grief at not being able to connect with her, as if he had somehow lost her forever. He could see right before his eyes she was building defences to keep him out. There was no way he could knock down those walls as fast as she could build them . He could see her drowning in a pool of despair and guilt, sinking right before his very eyes. He was powerless to save her. He knew that feeling all too well, that feeling of drowning. He wanted her to know he had been there. That he had somehow made it through, that she would survive this too even though it might seem the whole world had come crashing down around her and there was no way out.

Suddenly it dawned on him that there may be a way. It would mean trusting her with something that he had never shared with anyone, not even Tess. He was reluctant to disclose secrets from his own life. It made him nervous. And it was a time in his life he would rather forget- not turn it into the centre of discussion. But he just thought maybe, if he opened up to her, trusted her, proved to her that he had suffered too, that he had made mistakes, that he had a mountain of regrets, that he was guilty too. Maybe somehow it would pull her closer to him.

He cleared his throat nervously. He often used conversation to connect with someone. He was an intelligent man and had a way with words. But he only used humour, stupid jokes, funny stories to make his point. Women found it charming. It broke the ice. He was comfortable with that sort of conversation. A serious, deep and meaningful conversation was something else. He had no experience in communicating this way with someone on such a personal level, although he had longed for it. He hesitated, unsure where to begin. He didn't want to make the conversation about him, or to discourage her from telling her story. But they were getting no where, and he knew no other way to reach her.

"I don't pretend that I understand what is going on Stevie. But I want you to know that I want to understand. I want to help. I mean that. But you have to trust me, You have to take that first step and let me in."

"You can't." She replied, smiling sadly. And everything in her eyes screamed to him 'I want you to, but you can't.'

"Can't understand or can't help?" He wanted to know.

"Both." She responded.

"Maybe I can't help. But I know I could understand Stevie, if you take a chance."

He received no answer and so continued.

"I've done things, in my past, that I'm not proud of. Things that haunt me every night as I fall asleep. Things I've never told anyone."

He had wondered if she was so far gone in her own problems to even listen to a word he was saying. But something in her expression changed as he began telling his story in a shaky voice. Her gaze softened somehow, and he knew that he had her full attention. That was the Stevie he knew, the Stevie who cared so much for her friends. She did care for him, he had no doubt of that, and he would use it to draw her story out of her.

"Tell me." She whispered so softly he wondered if he had imagined it.

He nodded "I will tell you. It's hard for me to tell this Stevie. But I want to. I trust you. ……

Truthfully he could relate to very little of the things that seemed to trouble her. He had no secret mysterious strangers from his past haunting him. He knew next to nothing of her background. But there was one thing he did have some understanding of. How frightening it was to be a parent.

"I know how much you love Rose." He began

"How do you know?"

"Because I know you. I see it in your eyes. Every day. And because that's exactly how I loved my son too."

Chapter 17

She looked at him eyes wide with surprise. "You have a child?" She repeated.

"Yeah. A son. Brian. He died when he was a baby." Dave tried to keep his voice calm. It would do no good for him to become upset.

"I'm so sorry." With these words Stevie took Dave's hand gently in her own. It was the first move she had made towards him. ""What happened?"

"It's a bit complicated." He answered finally.

"I'm so sorry Dave." She repeated, not able to find any words sufficient.

"It was my fault." Dave confessed.

Stevie wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault. Not to blame himself. But she had no idea about what had happened to the little boy. "Tell me." She prompted him.

"He was so small, so fragile, I was afraid I would break him."

Stevie nodded, she remembered that feeling of terror when Rose had been born.

"Melissa and I, my first wife, we were so young. I didn't know how to be a proper father. I felt like it should just somehow come naturally to me. But it never did. I tried so hard. But I had no idea what I was doing. I guess maybe you can relate to that a bit." Dave knew he was getting off the track, but it was so hard to tell her what had happened.

Stevie nodded again encouraging him to continue. She knew how inadequate a new baby could make you feel.

"But I was lucky, Melissa and I had each other, we had our parents. I was never on my own in that way that you were. But it often felt that I was alone. That Brian was counting on me and me alone. I remember the way I had looked up to my own father, the way he had been my hero. The way he had let me down so badly. I felt I could never be the kind of father that Brian deserved. It scared me, when he cried. I never knew what he wanted. I felt like I should know somehow, should be able to fix it. I was so determined to never let him down the way my father had done to us.

"We never had a lot of money. I was at Uni and working two jobs just to pay the rent. I was so tired. Melissa was tired, Brian never slept properly. We fought a lot. We were young, and scared,. We were never in love. We only married when she found out she was pregnant. Because I wanted to do the right thing by her, by my son. I didn't want to be cut out of his life.

"One day I left for Uni. I had to work after classes and wouldn't be home til late. Melissa begged me not to leave. She found it difficulty home alone all day with Brian. He had been unsettled the night before. But I had been the one awake all night with him. We had argued about who would get up and attend to him during the night. It seems so stupid now. I'd give anything to hear him cry, I'd sit up with him all night and never let him go.

"Melissa and I argued that morning. I was exhausted, I hadn't slept. We needed the money, I had to work. She begged me to stay home and look after the baby. I was so frustrated with her. But you know, secretly, I was glad that I was the one who had to earn the money, that she was the one who stayed home caring for the baby. Because I don't think I could have done it day in day out. I wouldn't have known how to.

"So I kissed my son goodbye and left for uni. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could turn back time and just change that one decision. " He said sadly. It was hard for him to admit some of these things. That he had been glad to get out of the house that day and go to work.

"What happened?" Stevie asked again.

"I came home that night, Late. I had worked a double shift after classes. I was exhausted. The house was quiet when I came home, and I remember thinking 'thank God he's asleep'."

Dave couldn't control his emotion any longer. His voice shaky as tears slid down his cheeks. Stevie gently reached for his face and brushed the tears aside.

She wanted to tell him that we all wish we could turn back time and change things. She wanted to tell him that there would be no point wishing for that anyway. Dave couldn't have watched over his son every minute of every day. Things happen. It isn't anyone's fault. But she didn't want to interrupt his story. She wanted him to finish. "Tell me" She gently prompted him.

"I came inside, had a shower, got something to eat. I didn't want to wake him you know, He had been so unsettled the night before. I didn't even look at him for about an hour. What kind of a father was I? As hopeless as my own father. Finally I went into the bedroom. Melissa was sitting on the bed holding Brian in her arms. He was so still, so peaceful, At first I didn't notice…..that he was…you know. I reached down to pick him up. He was so cold, so limp in my arms. He looked so peaceful, like an angel. He looked perfect. But he felt so cold, I can't even begin to explain it. How wrong it felt holding that cold limp little baby in my arms.

"I looked over to Melissa, she was crying and rocking back and forth and kept repeating frantically the same words over and over—'I just wanted him to stop crying, He wouldn't stop crying, He wouldn't stop, I just wanted him to stop. I just wanted him to stop crying.'"

Stevie felt tears in her own eyes. She could imagine no horror greater than losing a child. She could imagine nothing worse than coming home to find your precious baby gone like that. She was thankful that Rose had been a well behaved baby, she did not know what she would have done if she hadn't been able to get Rose to stop crying. She was thankful Rose had grown up safe and healthy. It was the first time in weeks Stevie had been grateful for anything at all. She was scared to hear the rest of the story. Scared to know what had happened to that little baby. Dave's baby. She had been young and alone and scared with a new born baby and it terrified her thinking of all the things that could have happened to Rose, the things she might have been capable of if she was desperate.

Stevie waited for Dave to finish the story. She squeezed his hand gently, and her other hand was still resting on his cheek. She had no words for him, nothing at all that could take away this pain he had suffered. Touch seemed to reassure more than words ever could.

"She just kept saying that over and over. And I told her to be quiet, I didn't want her to wake the baby. Isn't that funny? Nothing was going to wake him ever again. But it hadn't really sunk in. I couldn't comprehend it. I held him close to me, and looked down to where she was sitting on the bed. I asked her what had happened.

"She looked up at me, looked me straight in the eye. I didn't recognise her in that moment. She told me again that he wouldn't stop crying. That she wanted him to sleep. She told me that she had walked with him and read to him and sung to him and fed him and changed him and he wouldn't stop. And so she had picked him up out of his crib and shook him. Harder and harder until he stopped crying. Until he was quiet. And now he was.

He was just two months old. He was counting on me. I let him down. If only I had been there, been a better father, a better husband. .."

"No!" Stevie told him firmly. "You mustn't think like that! It wasn't your fault Dave." Stevie knew that her words would do nothing to ease his guilt. But she had to say them.

Dave shook his head sadly. "No. Brian was my son. My little boy. He counted on me to keep him safe, protect him. I failed him. Of course that's my fault. If I had been a better husband, a better father, it would neve


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